The Finnish Fiasco, Chapter Nine
Celia was carrying a bowl of baked beans to the table when a trumpet blast startled her. A gold-jacketed man, the source of the trumpeting, shouted into the room, “The Baroness is entering!”
“Stand up!” Paavo screamed at Celia.
“I am standing,” she said.
The three children at the table sighed, pushed back their chairs from the table and stood.
A very short woman with three chins and a tiara waddled in. As you probably know, a tiara is a jeweled headband that beauty queens often wear. This woman would never be mistaken for a beauty queen, but she was wearing one anyway.
“Good evening, Baroness,” the three siblings said in unison.
“Good evening, children. Good evening, husband,” the woman said. She stared at Celia, who was not sure if she should say hello or wait for the woman to address her first. It’s hard to know how to behave around someone wearing a tiara. “I suppose you are the orphan girl,” the woman said. She looked very displeased.
“I’m Celia,” Celia said.
“I’m making good use of her, my darling,” Paavo said. “I’ve assigned her cooking and cleaning duties, and I have lots of ideas for additional chores she can perform to save us even more money.”
“I told you that she was not to come under any circumstances,” the woman said. She stamped a foot to emphasize her displeasure. “Have you expressly disobeyed me?”
“Of course not, my love, and if you wish, I’ll send her away immediately. It’s just that, well, there were so many benefits to having her here that I thought you might be pleased.”
“What benefits?” the woman asked, all three of her chins quivering with anger. “You know that I will not be disobeyed!”
“Of course not, my angel,” Paavo said. He was groveling, which is similar to obsequious fawning. Often, when people grovel, or fawn obsequiously, it is because they are afraid of the person to whom they are groveling or fawning. “The financial implications are enormous,” Paavo continued. “I fired the cook and the maid, because the orphan will be doing their work for free.”
“That does seem like a benefit,” the woman said, and two of her chins stopped quivering. “Still, I’ll need to think about it.”
“Yes, my precious,” Paavo said, and his shoulders slumped with relief. “I think you will enjoy her cooking. The fact that we don’t have to pay for a full-time cook anymore makes everything taste even more delicious!”
The dinner was a success. It was more like a picnic than a regular dinner, but it was something new and different for a Finnish family, and most people like new and different things. Nobody said “thank you,” like a normal family with any sort of manners would have said, but they polished off every last bite. The Baroness, who spoke to Cynthia only twice during dinner— first to instruct that she was to be addressed as “Baroness” and second to request a third hamburger—was the first to leave the table. She stood, and there was a scraping of chairs as the rest of the family stood also. The Trumpeter, who had been standing at glittery attention by the door, tootled as the Baroness exited.
The tension in the room exited with the Baroness, but only temporarily. Essie informed Paavo that she had arranged a consultation with a plastic surgeon. “He guarantees that I’ll be the most beautiful girl in the world if I get my nose redone and my cheeks re-contoured. Maybe a few other add-ons. You will pay for it, won’t you, Daddy?”
Paavo answered absentmindedly, “Of course, darling. Whatever you want.”
The boys snickered and Essie glared at them. “You don’t understand because you’re not girls.”
“Why don’t you just put a paper bag over your head?” Lukas asked. “That would make you look way better and cost less money.”
“Why don’t you put a plastic bag over your head and do the world a favor?” Essie shrieked furiously.
“Offspring!” Paavo threw down his favorite fork. “All this bickering is giving me indigestion.”
“Did you hear what he said to me, Daddy?”
“I have work to do. You children resolve your squabbles, but do it where I can’t hear you.” Paavo left, slamming the door behind him.
Eventually, the three siblings left the kitchen, still arguing with one another. Celia washed the dishes, wiped off the table and wrapped up the two hamburgers she had saved– one for Oliver and one for Jumpy.
That night as Celia pulled the blankets up to her chin, Jumpy snuggled into the crook of her arm, adding extra warmth. They were sleeping in the hay loft until the Stinking Stable Scarab situation was resolved. Maybe this should be their permanent sleeping place. Stars were visible through a hole in the thatched roof and the snuffling sounds of the ponies below were comforting. Life was not all that bad, Celia thought. She wasn’t used to living in a family where there was so much fighting, but she’d manage until she could escape. Of course, she had no idea what lay in store for her on the following day.
